Looking for Clarity

*Religious post disclaimer - nothing tri-relation. Just me and my Crewd Thoughts*

There's a mountain in Alaska called Fairweather Mountain. To call it such is a cruel joke. The truth is the weather there is terrible. Throughout most of the year the peak cannot be seen due to fog, clouds, you name it. In fact, there are only 20 days out of the year that there's a clear view of the top. A total of 20 days of clarity a year. I feel that way a lot of times about several aspects of my life. I feel like there are only about 20 days out of the year in which my life, future, etc. are fairly clear. Now, in speaking of marriage, I have no doubts. Lauren has been an incredible addition to my life. I don't like to say "addition" because she's not being added to my life, but rather we've started a brand new life. Kind of a 1+1=1 type of situation.
In speaking of faith, I believe with all my heart that there is one God and that he sent his Son to redeem this world through His death. I believe he's revealed Himself through the bible, but I also believe that he reveals himself through His creation, us. I have no doubt that God loves me and has a plan for me. Example #1 - my wife. Where I struggle is in seeing this plan and having faith that it will see it's way through. I struggle with going to God with my problems. For the most part, I feel that I'm a self made man. I work hard, and I succeed at the office. I train hard, and I get faster. Actions = results. What I seem to acknowledge is God's hand in all of this. I'm quick to lose focus on why I'm here. A good example is a man who sees his role as being the one that pursues a career. Not so. A man's role is to provide for his family. Not a big difference in what he actually does, but in how he approaches his job. Now take this back to me. I could say that my role is to work hard, go to church, put food on the table. But I'd rather see my role as a servant to my God where I live my life as one who is forgiven therefore loving my wife, completing my work as requested, being forgiving, and loving others all in a way that brings glory to Him. But, I fail miserably at this. This clarity that I crave would make things so much easier. With clarity, I would see just how futile my best efforts are. With clarity, I would see just how much I need God daily rather than on Sunday's or Thursday morning bible studies. With clarity, I would actually believe and live like God is in control. So tonight, I pray for clarity and that God will help my unbelief.