Open Letter to the &*%$ Who Brought Cake to the Office

Dear Insensitive Bastard who Brought Cake to the Office:

You're probably feeling pretty smug right now. Sitting there in your cubbie thinking you're the toast of the town. You think you've done your good deed for the day. For whatever reason, you stepped it up this weekend and decided to make a double chocolate cake to the office for everyone to enjoy. You insensitive piece of garbage. What were you thinking? Don't you know this is RACE week?? Don't you know that chocolate cake is not found anywhere on this week's diet plan? As a reknowned connoisseur of fine chocolate cakes and fine eats, I take high offense to your blatant disregard for my cravings and desires. I liken you to the types of individuals who sip margaritas while spectating an AA meeting. You probably would fit right in with those smug tanned triathletes living in San Diego as they talk about their chilly training rides in the 50's. Brrrrrrrrr! You'd probably find it easy to get along with the Paris Hilton's of the world, "Oh, damn, my diamond studded shoes are too tight." Get a grip Betty Crocker!